Twamien Oneshots
by The Truth's Lie
Summary: A collection of Tweek-Damien oneshots ranging from dramatic to cheesy. Long live the crack pairings!
1. Start

**Author's Note; I've recently fallen in love with crack pairings; I hope this to be the first of many twamien stories. **

Tweek walked slowly down the street, wincing at the cold air that bit at his skin. He paused and tilted his head to the side. The softest of sobs was barely audible. The blonde frowned and walked faster, trying to find the source of the noise. Damien Thorne, antichrist extraordinaire, was leaning against a wall, face in hands. His shoulders shook and Tweek's eyes widened as he realized the tough as nails boy was crying. "Damien?" he squeaked worriedly "is something wrong?" the antichrist looked up, fingers ready to snap whoever dared to bother him to ashes. Instead of a jeering classmate, he found a concerned looking spaz.

"I'm sorry," Tweek yelped as Damien stared at him "but you looked upset and GAH! Are you okay?" he gasped in one breath

Damien shrugged and in a monotone "My mom died." Tweek gasped again and shook his head slowly.

"I'm so sorry," he cried mournfully. Damien shrugged.

"I know she was not anything but a random nun chosen to carry me so my father could have an heir but…" Damien shrugged and tears continued to run down his cheeks. "She was kind…I believe somewhere between the six years I knew her she really grew to love me." Tweek was crying now, shuddering while his shoulders heaved. "So," the antichrist drawled bitterly "I suppose you're going to run off now, tell your little friends that the all-powerful Damien is crying." He rested his head against his knees and took a deep breath, waiting for the rapid footsteps that signified the blonde running away.

Instead Tweek dropped to his knees. "You know what I think?" he asked quietly, wiping away his tears. Damien looked up. "I think you need a hug." The shivering boy wrapped his arms around Damien and pulled him close. He expected to be pushed away, burnt to a crisp. But instead, he was pulled closer, and, to Tweek's surprise, the burning warmth of the antichrist's body was comfortable instead of painful while the ashy wood smell of cedar and oak seemed homey and gave him a sense of security.

Same went for Damien. Tweek smelt of coffee and vanilla, a pure, sweet scent that he breathed in hungrily. The innocence of the blonde was refreshing, like a cool drink after a long run. After being drowned in the hormones and pheromones of his peers for so long, Damien was surprised he hadn't lost his scent of smell.

"It's okay," Tweek soothed and began to stroke the black hair that fell into his eyes. "I won't tell anyone. I promise." Damien looked down, tears of blood still running down his face. Tweek's face was sincere, caring. "Your secret's safe with me." Damien hesitated before nodding silently.

Neither of them were sure how long they sat there, wrapped up in each other. All that mattered was being there, being with each other. It would take them a while before they finally figured out exactly what that feeling of completeness meant, but for now, they would sit, breathing in each other's scents, secretly basking in the sense of security, of _completeness_. So they sat, together in the back of the alleyway completely unaware that this small act would tie them together in ways neither could imagine.


	2. Drabbles

**AN; I'm getting addicted to drabbles, so you get this.**

**Hell;**

Tweek stared longingly at the ground, white wings rustling at the light breeze. He sighed. Who knew heaven could be so horrible without Damien?

**God;**

"God," Damien growled angrily, fangs out. "How dare he?" His foot flung out and smashed into a tree. He glared up at the sky. The day was beautiful, not a cloud visible, he could almost imagine the old fart laughing down at him. "He's mine!" he screams, throwing his head back. "You will not take what belongs to me!" Damien turns and stomps off, feet leaving prints of fire on the ground. In his head, he began to plan how to get his spaz back.

**What;**

"Tweek, I understand I screwed up, but I'd love it if you have me another chance." Tweek blinked up at his on and off again boyfriend, Craig Tucker. Said boy smirked inwardly, waiting for the eager Yes. "…No." Craig blanched. "What did you just say?" he asked, eyes wide. Tweek sighs and runs a hand through his hair. "I already met someone else." Before Craig can reply there is a growling sound and a motorcycle pulls up next to them. "Hey," Damien says, smirking at Craig's shocked face. "Ready to go?" Tweek smiles and gets on, pulling out a helmet from his backpack before they disappear, leaving a silent and still surprised Craig behind them.

**Belt;**

Damien watched with hungry eyes as his beloved bent backwards, doing a perfect back flip as the other contestant lunged forward. Tweek grinned maliciously as the boy tried to counterattack, although he was no match for the 3rd degree black belt and was quickly pummeled to the ground. Damien sighed happily, how he loved it when Tweek acted tough.

**Red;**

Tweek stared up at Damien, smiling sweetly as red eyes stared down at him with just as much adoration.

**Candy;**

Tweek smirked as Damien looked at him with a pained expression, pretending not to notice as he licked his white pineapple lollipop again.

**Present;**

Tweek blushed furiously as he opened his present, pulling out the skimpy maid outfit his boyfriend of five years had gotten him. Setting it aside, he dug around the box, also pulling out a coiled whip, chocolate scented lube and a pair of high heels. Tweek glanced up at his boyfriend who stared at him with hope filled eyes and sighed, standing up to go put on the outfit.


	3. Voice

Tweek stared nervously at the crowd, wishing he was home with his boyfriend. Damien, said boyfriend, smirked and gave him a thumb up as the music began to play. Tweek twitched and looked over the crowd. His friends were scattered around, smiling encouragingly. Taking a deep breath, Tweek sang into the mike, giving the tiniest of smiles.

There was silence as Tweek gained confidence, singing louder until his words bounded across the field, loud and clear as he stopped twitching. Inside he freaked out, wondering if he should run away and hide under his bed until everything blew over but sadly Damien had anticipated that and large fences kept him from being able to move except forward, which meant he would have to jump into a crowd of angst-filled teenagers if he wanted to leave.

"To make a citizen out of you!" he sang, as Damien suddenly jumped on stage.

"Are we gonna let 'em?" he asked, half screaming. It took a second but the crowd caught on fast.

"Hell no!" they yelled back.

"Because they sleep with a gun, to keep an eye on you son!" Damien was running around the front of the stage, lifting his hands into the air as Tweek sang. The crowd was cheering, screaming at the top of their lungs to sing along with the chorus.

"All together now!" Damien ordered.

"They said all teenagers scare the living shit outta me, they could care less as long as someone will bleed!" They chorused. Police cars began to show up, sirens blaring as it became obvious to the townsfolk that the glowing, screaming mass outside their town was their children.

Parents drove up in their cars, trying to track down their kids, being pushed down and taunted by the mass group of angry and hormone addled teenagers. "Are we gonna let them control us?" Damien roared.

"Hell no!" was the reply. Police officers were pushed away and parents were angrily told off as several people made breaks for the still running cars. It became a full fledged riot, screams sounding off into the night as trucks and cars were either tipped over or jacked. Parents and officers ran around as they were chased around by kids.

The song ended and began again, nothing but the music as Tweek had stopped singing. Damien wrapped an arm around his boyfriend as they stared at the beautiful sight of wholesale slaughter and teenage rebellion. "I told you, you could do it." Damien murmured, kissing Tweek on the top of his head.

Tweek observed the destruction. "You were right. I don't know whether to be offended that my voice started a riot or proud." Damien shrugged.

"Be proud, it took me at least a week to be able to cause this much destruction in three consecutive minutes."


	4. Magic

Damien appeared in a cloud of smoke, grinning at the crowd. His eyes scanned over them, brightening when he spotted a familiar form in the front row. Tweek sat in the first seat, clutching a camera. He smiled encouragingly at Damien, twitching slightly and blew him a kiss. The antichrist smiled back and turned around continuing with his act.

Like the gentleman he was, Damien helped his assistant into her box, smiling maliciously as it closed. "For my first act, I will saw this lovely lady in half!" He announced. They cheered and he picked up an axe. "Will the man in the front row come examine this?" Damien questioned jumping off the stage.

Tweek blinked as Damien held out the axe and his eyes widened when the cool metal pressed up against his fingertips. It stung slightly and when Damien pulled away, he noted the small red smears on the tip. "As you can see, this is a completely real axe." Damien stated climbing back up.

Music began to play and Damien raised the axe and Tweek snorted in laughter when he realized it was the Jaws theme song. The antichrist brought the axe down quickly, slicing into the box with a large smirk. The Audience screamed in excitement and horror as blood dripped out of the box and Damien did it again, breaking the box in two that time.

The bottom half of the box tipped down and the now-dead woman's legs slid out, coated in blood and staining her sequined mini-skirt. Tweek winced and rubbed his hip although Damien had made them hurt for an entirely different reason. His camera was still rolling, catching the scene. People continued to scream and they got up to leave before realizing they were stuck in their seats.

"Thank you, thank you!" He called, dropping the axe to the floor. "You have been a wonderful audience, just perfect!" Damien bowed slightly, the bottom of his cape dipping into the crimson puddle around his ankle. After a second thought, Damien tossed his hat into the crowd, watching as it landed perfectly in Tweek's lap.

"You're a psycho!" A brave woman screeched in fear.

His eyes twinkled and Damien grinned. "Not at all, I am a _magician_ but don't worry, many people get those two confused." He tapped his chin and said out loud. "Is there a difference, I wonder?"

Rolling his eyes, Tweek placed the hat on his head. Although he was a bit nervous, he had gotten used to his boyfriend's antics. It made little difference to Tweek to know his love was torturing mostly innocent people. He knew Damien loved him no matter what and to him that was all that mattered.

"Now, I know you must all be disappointed, but it is time for my final act!" Tweek leaned back and turned off his camera, mentally deciding to never let Damien act out his dreams on the new arrivals in hell. "Now, it seems like I'll need a new assistant seeing as my old one has been...hacked. How about…" he scanned the crowd and Tweek grinned. "How about the adorable little blonde in the front row?"

Tweek walked onto the stage, smiling. Damien wrapped him in a tight hug. "Abra" He mumbled, kissing him on the lips. "Kadabra." Then, they disappeared in a puff of smoke. You know what they say.

Love is Magic.


	5. Personal

Damien smirked at the terrified faces, feeling perfectly content to watch his new victims squirm underneath his gaze. Flames licked at the floor, melting it to a boiling liquid that lapped at the bleachers where they were trapped.

There was only one calm face, in the back, hidden behind the much larger forms of his classmates.  
"It has come to my attention that an explanation is in order." He mused. "For years now, I have had a spy in your midst, recording and following every one of your sins. Now, it is time for me to claim your souls and my spy."

People turned accusingly to Pip, who clutched at a golden cross that hung  
around his neck. "It's not me!" The Brit screamed in fear.

Damien leaned back and grinned as his blond stood up gracefully, making his way down calmly. The floor hardened underneath his footsteps. With quick, precise steps he was by Damien's side.

"Tweek?" Someone gasped in surprise. Tweek grinned and blew them a kiss as  
Damien's arm snaked around his waist.

"Why?" Stan called out, fearful as they began to tilt downwards. The blonde pursed his lips and ran a hand through his hair. Smoothing it down, two black  
horns peaked out. They were sharp and gleaming in the flames as he stuck out his forked tongue.

"Nothing personal." Tweek said, shrugging slightly as he waved goodbye. The duo disappeared with a crack, leaving the screaming teens to their fate as the bleachers finally gave away, plunging them into the roaring inferno.


End file.
